Now due to its moderately narrow width, coupled with the abundance of cars that park, quite legally, along the road there are countless conflicts of passage. I have witnessed complete blockages as lorry's delivered 1 tonne bags of sand or the Tesco van delivered 637 litres of Scotish water to the freaks.
On one memorable afternoon 2 coaches met face-on resulting in 1 of them having reverse at 0.037 miles per hour back around the corner. It took almost 45 minutes for the coaches to pass by which time the four-by-four's stood line astern all the way back to Chippinghurst.
I have to say that the vast majority of motorists behave in a perfectly reasonable manner and the flow of traffic is relatively trouble-free. That is with the exception of The Ugly Leather-Faced Tooter. He believes that the way to ensure that his passage along Denton Hill is as smooth as possible is to toot his horn. His irritating tooting is directly linked to the position of the parked vehicles and unfortunately his most venomous blasts are reserved for the times when cars are parked outside our house. The determination with which he puts his right foot down and his left hand firmly on his horn are almost admirable.
I have not decided whether his aural abuse is designed to warn other motorists of his imminent arrival of to admonish the parker's of the cars. Either way it has become almost impossible not to rush to the front of the house and shout obscenities at him.
His anti-social behaviour is nothing new. One summer a few years ago Straight Pilot Dan became so incensed by his daily toot that he actually followed The Ugly Leather-Faced Tooter back to his hovel in Denton and tooted the horn of his brand new MG in a "take that/how do you like it" sort of way. It is difficult to assess the impact that the brave Straight Pilot Dan's actions had but his return to Denton Hill was triumphant. Seldom seen neighbours appeared from their houses and cheered as he parked up. Even Fillipa, who was waxing her nipples at the time, came out and offered to carry Straight Pilot Dan's bag for him as thanks for his heroic and selfless act.
It is a sad reflection of The Ugly Leather-Faced Tooter's social standing that the only time he leaves his hovel in Denton is to go to Chav Central (Asda) and purchase cigars which he smokes to further degenerate the quality of his leathery old skin. It's a small compensation for his anti-social and abusive behaviour but he is without doubt the most miserable, ugliest old man who has ever passed through the Village.
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