Mid-week Slump

Arrived home today, having stopped off at the newly re-fitted Asda to pick up a lonely-bastard-meal-for-one, only to find both cats locked out and starring at me in an accusing fashion from the other side of the patio doors. The temperature in the house was at minus 3°C. After some investigation it was discovered that the thermostat had been set to a freakishly low number. Putting 2 and 2 together I deduced that Fillipa Hole had been the last person to leave the house. Furthermore, the fact that the LED on the washing machine was blinking at me incessantly, coupled with the fact that Big Lou and Rez were locked out led me to the conclusion that the scene in the house at about 08:00am had been a blurr of activity.

I let the cats in and was immediately subjected to the "feed me, feed me" behaviour. Even Rez, who is renowned for eating less than Ghandi, appeared keen. I chose to placate Big Lou, sorry Mr Big Lou first. As he had been excluded from the house for the day there were still some remnants of breakfast left in his stainless steel dog bowl. Don't ask. So, I washed this down the sink and opened a fresh can. I try to build up his anticipation by saying things like "Oooh Lou its brown and smells vile", which seems to amuse him. I place the huge bowl down and Mr Big Lou "Chows down" as they say.

Now for Rez, the blackest cat in the world.

Unusually she has placed herself by the bread bin and awaits the amusebouch that I am about to serve up. In spite of much teasing and cajoling Rez eats a massive 0.37g of food.

Quite often I lean on the windowsill of the front bedroom and watch the goings-on in the Village recreation ground. We call it "The Red Reck" I don't know why.

Sometimes you see people flying kites and performing impressive acrobatic feats.

Sometimes you see "Dad's" having a kick-about with their offspring.

But, mostly you see people exercising their dogs. And, being fine Villagers they, to a man, always remove their pets poops.

I have recently come to wonder what a small, warm pooh, that has been gripped through a polyethylene bag must feel like.

Do they, for example, apply a slight, almost indiscernible squeeze, to determine the quality of the stool.

Thank heavens for cats.