She's Free...........

Mr Big Lou has just come bounding in with the news we have all be waiting for, Purdie has finally been freed from the hideous trapping incident in her cat flap. As I rushed round to congratulate her I passed the Wanahokaloogi Kid who was spitting his way down the path as usual. I nodded the obligatory, non-specific, mutually understood, I don't really want to engage you greeting of "All right" and completely out of the blue he stopped spitting and shook his head in an almost theatrical manner. He went to speak but was unfortunately gripped by the urge to spit and passed by without communicating what was troubling him. As I was later to discover he was the present as Purdie had been freed from her entrapment and had been visibly shaken by the event.

I arrived at the infamous cat flap and found it, thankfully, cat-free and with a sense of some foreboding I called our "Purdie" and tapped on the kitchen door. A faint meow was heard from inside followed by a rustle before finally Purdie appeared at the kitchen window. The sight that greeted me physically knocked me back and I recall gasping out loud.

Poor Purdie had been transformed into a completely novel creature comprising of 2 distinct halves. We had all assumed that the best way to extricate Purdie from her cat flap was in the forwards direction, hence the teasing with the piece of ham. However, Purdie had missed the logic of this strategy and spent her time easing herself backwards. By some bizarre, freakish twist of nature this action has forced all of Purdie's slimming to effect only one half of her body, her front half. Whilst she has reduced in size from her midriff to the ends of her front paws, including her head, her back half has remained its original size.

Purdie now has the appearance of a drag racer with her back sloping towards the front at an angle of 32 degrees. There is also a sharp and sadly bald line around her circumference at the point the cat flap held her.

As I stood, slack jawed, reviewing the spectacle, The Master, Fillipa and Mr Big Lou arrived with a celebratory can of tuna in brine and a cheap bottle of Cava. From the expression on my face I think they all sensed, with the exception of Mr Big Lou of course, that all was not well. And, as they followed the line of my gaze, to a man, cat and drag superstar they began laughing. Even the cats whose lack of lips makes laughing practically impossible, fell to the ground in an uncontrollable state of mirth.

Obviously this was too much for the absurdly shaped Purdie who immediately turned heel and carted her over sized rear-end back into the sanctuary of the dining room.

I have since made several attempts to recall her but as yet to no avail.