Flying Objects

Its been an absolute revelation how the new amenities on the Village recreation ground have instantly transformed the social standing of Cuddesdon. The goalposts have proved a magnet to "footy" fans from as far a field as Nether Winchenden to the East and Hampton Poyle to the West. Since their erection, not an evening has passed without throngs of people having a jolly old kick-about. I am also happy to report that due in large part, no doubt, to the absence of any Italian or Spanish riot police, there has been no sign of any trouble from either the pitch or the spectators.

Whilst there appears to be no official dress-code to enable participation in the matches it is pleasing to see that a vast range of football apparel is often seen being modeled by the "players". Sadly, I have to confess to complete ignorance when it comes to discerning which team the colours represent, suffice to say that red seems to be very popular. Even some of the more senior players have dug out their old and somewhat faded kit and can often be seen pulling their grubby jersey's down across the apex of their beer-bellies. Unfortunately the shirts soon ride up over these mountainous regions to leave tantalising glimpses of bare, hair covered flesh.

Another pleasing aspect of this community activity is that it does not discriminate on the grounds of age in any discernible way. I have seen tiny 6 year old boys attempting to tackle enormous 47 year old landscape gardeners and hod carriers only to be trampled underfoot. Sometimes the "bigger boys" will also put on displays of fancy footwork and ball skills to impress a "lady" in the crowd and if it is at the expense of one of the diminutive youngsters, well nobody seems to mind.

I am however struggling with the structure of the games as there are rarely less than 4 footballs in play at any one time, I trust that someone knows what's going on.

Saturday afternoon saw one of the most bizarre and at the same time surreal sights to be witnessed in Cuddesdon. At the far end of the pitch a small group gathered and paid no attention to the ensuing battles on the field. They then began to unfurl what at first appeared to be an oversized black bag, or a "Tina" as Fillipa likes to call them when putting the rubbish out on a Monday morning. After about 35 minutes, what we thought was a "Tina" became a an object that was approximately 3 metres in diameter and 15 metres in length. The object, that at this point was floating just above ground level, resembled an over sized pack of liver sausage. I called Fillipa as a witness to this strange sight and she eventually arrived at the...............

Due to a hideous case of premature publication the above post was issued in mid stream and in an unfinished state. Thankfully, this was spotted by a concerned reader who reported the faux pas. I shall now retrace my steps and pick up from whence it stopped.

...............window, slightly breathless. We remained speechless for several minutes taking in the strange sights before trying in vain to agree on what exactly we were seeing. I, erroneously as it later transpired, stated categorically that the massive airborne object was a radio-controlled balloon. As the recreation ground is bordered by relatively low telephone cables I was beginning to picture a dramatic collision in the offing. After 45 minutes the tube was floating at about 45 degrees at which point both Fillipa and I bravely resisted the need to dip into our pool of crude similes, I can't begin to describe how difficult that proved. Fillipa had to leave at this point in order to start preparing for her forthcoming hostess training exams that were due on Tuesday.

The object by now had reached giddy heights and could be seen no doubt for miles. It was attached to an small man who was dressed from head to toe in waterproof plastic by an almost invisible piece of nylon cord. So it must be a radical new development in kites. I have to admit that I was suddenly gripped by the somewhat uncharitable thought of "So what".