The Story of The Strange Millie-Type Cat

The story of the Strange Millie-Type Cat is fast becoming one of the legends of the Shires. Millie first came to live next door with the nice man and lady who have now gone and allowed the freaks to move in. I'm not bitter you understand. She was what is commonly known as a rescue cat, which incidentally are Mr Big Lou's origins. Apparently his parents were feral and roamed freely across North Oxford posing as panthers. This was until they were captured by a "do-gooder" who arranged to have them "snipped" and the fruit of their loins taken from them. Lou's parents managed to escape back into the wilds but Mr Big Lou was not so lucky. That was until Fillipa decided to have another stab at adoption.

However, back to the Strange Millie-type Cat.

Millie was quite possibly, with the exception of Trotter of course, the most deranged creature to have walked this island Earth. Her life had been somewhat traumatic and quite sad. Her first companion was a very elderly who frequently forgot that she lived with a cat. When this happened she would forgot to feed Millie. On other occasions when she would make a frail attempt at feeding the poor cat but would do so from a can of cat food that had been opened for a number of weeks. Eventually the elderly lady was considered to be a danger to herself and was taken to a sheltered home to see out her days with some other bewildered people. Unfortunately the day of her departure coincided with one of the lapses in memory that removed the existence of Millie from her thoughts. Consequently Millie was locked in the house by herself.

Millie's incarceration lasted for 7 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours and 22 minutes until she was finally released by prowler. Upon breaking into the derelict looking old house the intruder was confronted by what he thought was a ghostly wailing banshee as he forced his way through the backdoor. It was of course Millie who followed the terrified scumbag out into the fresh night air.

This marked the start of Millie's time in Guilford where eventually she was befriended by a kindly old lady who would give Millie sardines and pilchards when she visited. As the friendship developed Millie would go into the kindly old lady's kitchen where she would take supper. Interestingly she would only eat food from a bone china plate and only if the kindly old lady handed it to her. Under no circumstances would Millie stay in the house during the hours of darkness. Instead she would sleep outside in a discarded kitchen cupboard that had been crudely fashioned into a type of kennel.

Sadly the kindly old lady passed away leaving Millie once again wondering why her companions kept abandoning her. After a few days of freedom Millie was captured by a cat rescue team and transported to Marlow where she moved into a house with a 3 legged cat called Arthur. This was not a happy home for Millie. It transpired that Arthur was in fact a terrorist and had spent the last 2 years hiding behind the oven. It was impossible for Millie and Arthur to be in the same room as each other and so it was decided to split the house in two. Millie would live exclusively on the upper floor whilst Arthur would remain on the ground floor. To the bottom of the stairs a high security door and alarm system was fitted to ensure that the 2 cats would never meet again. This new arrangement appeared to be working well until the day a visitor to the house accidentally left the door at the bottom of the stairs ajar. Millie immediately made good her escape hissing loudly at the evil Arthur as she shot past him and out in to the back garden.

Unfortunately Millie's latest break for freedom was short-lived. She decided to lay low in the shed and await the cover of darkness before hitting the highroad. This was a mistake as she was spotted going in by a nosy neighbour who closed the door behind her thus trapping poor Millie once again. After Millie was returned to her upstairs prison her mood did not lift and the sight of her forlorn features became too much to bear. Being too frightened of the evil Arthur to attempt to move him it was decided that a new home should be found for poor Millie.

Into The Story of The Strange Millie-Type Cat steps the nice lady from next door, who for several months had been "borrowing" Rez, Charlie Fuckwit and Channel on a regular basis and had developed a hankering for a pussy of her own.

Thus one dark and windy evening a posh wicker travel box turned up containing one well-travelled black cat, somewhat dishevelled in appearance and presumably to provide a degree of continuity in the wretched animals life she was delivered with an old kitchen cupboard that was unceremoniously dumped in the garden.

To say that Millie was anti-social would, I'm afraid, be an understatement of the highest order. Her first evening in Cuddesdon, post the forced extraction from her travel box, was spent under the table staring at the wall. When she did finally move it was to hide in the bedroom under the bed. She ensconced herself at the exact centre thus being unreachable from all sides.

What followed over the next few days was, in hindsight, an early sign that Millie was indeed a very scared and strange. Endless bouts of cat-n-human were played as she resisted all attempts to make friends and more importantly to feed her. However, the nice lady was not deterred and persevered where lesser mortals would have given up and sent Millie packing back to her cold discarded kitchen cupboard. Eventually a glimmer of a bond was established and Millie let the nice lady feed her and rewarded her by permitting the nice lady to stroke her under the chin.

And so for a few weeks an air of normality descended upon Denton Hill. Millie even began to respond to the nice man as well as the nice lady, although it has to be said he was sometimes a bit loud and boisterous for her. Then, very gingerly, Millie took her first steps into outside space and everyone worried that she would make good another cunningly planned escape, but she didn't and as time went by at its usual village pace routines began to develop.

On the surface Millie began to show real affection to her new caring companions and would purr loudly during the night when she slept on the bed with them. However, it now seems that deep down poor Millie was still troubled. Try as hard as she might she could not overcome her fear of being locked in again and was spending more and more time outside. She even took to sheltering from the rain in the shabby old kitchen cupboard that had been left in the garden. Over a period of several weeks Millie went into the house less and less until one day she disappeared completely. For days both myself and the nice lady walked up and down the village rattling boxes of catty nibbles and calling in impossibly high voices for the missing cat. At dusk we would equip ourselves with high powered torches that we would shine along the edges of the road and into the surrounding fields. All to no avail, she had gone.

However, it would appear that the story may not end there. Recently, a strange black cat has been seen passing through the garden. Both myself and Mr Big Lou have mistaken it for Rez and have both been surprised when we have discovered that it was not, Lou more than myself. He runs away whilst I run towards but to date I have failed to get close enough to ascertain the visitors true identity. My own view is that this strange and elusive creature is in fact Millie who, whilst relishing her freedom occasionally thinks of the few short weeks when she lived with companions who loved her and she loved them. So whenever she is in the area she drops by in the hope of seeing the nice lady once more and thanking her for her kindness and letting her know she is alright.